Nancy S. — October 11, 2021

This email is for Laura,

My son just got transferred into Mission for Michael’s house in Dana Point CA yesterday.  The last text message I received from him before he was picked up was “Help me momma help me I’m going to kill myself” at 4am then turned off the phone. He had sent me a pin drop of location, so I drove out Baldwin Park an hour away with my husband tracking him down.  I phoned the police station and they had him. He turned off his phone after that awful text message, so I was in panic.  Thank the Lord he called 911 and police picked him up issued the 5150 and sent him to Kaiser ER.  I went to the ER but they would not let me in due to covid, and I had to wait outside.   About 5 hours later he was transferred to BCH an acute hold center (72 hr. hold) for behavioral health that his stepmom arranged.  Thankfully BCH held him long enough till we can send him to this new place for in house program treatment for about 45 days that BCH recommended which is the Mission for Michael home.  This is his third episode.

On his second episode on the exact same day Johnny passed 11/20/19, I was picking up my son from Orange County Jail after they held him for 13 days.  He fell asleep in someone’s garage and was awoken by the police he did not know where he was.  He was just sleeping.  I recall he explained in jail that was listening to voices who told him where to drive following the GPS. I was so heartbroken, scared he would get hurt he is small person.  I was the one who let him go that night he was acting so strange; my two stepsons were home ( ages 16 &15) and I think they were a little disturbed by his behavior he was cussing and laughing talking about nonsense. He was not right.  At the time I didn’t know what to do and asked him to drive to his place nearby he was renting a room at the time.  Looking back, I’m disappointed in my decision that night.  He could have hurt himself or someone else.  I didn’t understand the damage of concentrated THC can cause psychosis or what psychosis really was for that matter. After being held 13 days in jail, he came home to live with us, and was admitted into a 28-day outpatient program at Kaiser Permanente. I went to every court hearing fought as hard as I can to explain he was in psychosis his Dr. explained and provided the defense attorney and judge all she asked for.  The defense for DA office would not drop the case due to mental illness and wanted to make an example of my son for the San Juan Capistrano community where his voices took him that night.  His defense attorney was transferred due to Covid to other cases.  We got a new public defense attorney who watched the video and noticed the garage where he was found was not attached to the home.  That was a life changer for his case, all charges got dropped after that technicality, basically it was not considered theft and breaking and entering which is a felony.  The legal process took over a year due to courts being closed for Covid.

While he lived with me, he completed the treatment, attending AA daily, took is antipsychotics, and was looking for work a little. He then met a girl that was an hour drive away and COVID hit.  We were on a complete lockdown, and he wanted to see her going back and forth to San Diego an hour away.  As the pandemic became more serious, I did not let him go back and forth between homes it was too dangerous as we care for my elderly mom.  I explained if you leave you cannot come back here, he left anyways nothing was going to come between him and his girlfriend.  He did not agree became belligerent and got into an ugly argument with me and my husband his stepdad who had some words that caused a relationship issue.  So, he left our home to live with the girl.  When he had to leave after a short period he went back to his dad’s home.  

He was doing well for a about a year living with dad.  I also thought he would never want to experience such a downfall again and loose his mind over his addiction.  And meeting him at court and he was so scared he can go back to jail.  This year we met for Mother’s Day and he admitted to stopping taking the medication the antipsychotic!  He said he is fine not smoking, and clear minded working hard for a promotion.  He argued he did not like the side effect of the medication.  I did not agree but he is an adult, and I cannot force the medication on him. Few months later dad started to notice he was coming home too late for anything good.  My son started to talk about the military and how he does not want to live at his dad’s home he wants independence.  However, he couldn’t even make the small minimal rent payment to dad that he agreed to pay.  Then my son told me “I’m going to get into the military that will lead me into the FBI / CIA top clearance, so I become a spy”.   His only problem was his background two 5150’s and his arrest.

He just turned 23 this September just 2 years older than Johnny.  Reading this book is similar to our story except our son has two sets of parents because we are divorced, we both remarried.  He bounced back and forth between both homes due to his ups and downs with the fresh starts again and again.  The new rules that never get followed and the soft hearts of his parents who don’t hold him accountable, and sorry to say we are ignorant for not testing him regularly.  Both his dad and I gave him the benefit of the doubt he is the best liar I have ever met very skillful at it.  I just couldn’t believe he fell into psychosis again.  Possible I was in denial.

Our son dyed his hair green and after his dad and I nagged to fix it he dyed it crappy brown on Sept 22nd last month, when he face timed me at 10PM paranoid scared.  He was so high he confessed to dabbing (waxing) with a strange new friend Sergio who looked like a total weirdo in Los Angeles Korea Town.  I was leaving town the early next day and begged the friend on face time to let him sleep over, take his keys watch him till he can get home safely warned him he can fall into psychosis.  Friend agreed, especially after I shared what can happen. 

I spoke to my oldest son his eldest brother about what just happened, and he said let’s wait till Monday when you return from your trip.  He said he must be home because it was his birthday, and a lot of family was coming over so he would be busy and home safe with family that Saturday.  Sunday is football day family game time, my son started to act up at the house.  Dad and he got into a physical fight, and he grabbed some clothes took two bags and headed out on foot.  He was harassing the Navy recruiter to get him joined where the recruiter almost had to file a restraining order on him. He intended to work in a high clearance position for the FBI or CIA and be a spy.   Then he was on the street for one and half days when he sent me that awful text and got picked up. 

I am praying to God to please help heal his brain.  I will continue to read and research for the best of our son’s life and wellbeing.  I just completed the durable power of attorney with HIPA we will ask him to sign. 

Thank you again for writing the book, I pray to God please help him and other young adults.  I can only pray he is going to be ok and we help him as a family over his additions and live a healthy happy life.  I am sharing my story so it can help others know the dangers of today’s high concentrated Marijuana.  I encouraged all parents to read it to help them understand what we are dealing with, it’s not just earthy natural marijuana that many adults know of.  There are so many ways THC can be consumed in a concentrated way right under our noses.

I just seen Johnny’s video and I am so sorry you lost your beautiful precious baby boy so heart breaking (Hugging you) ☹

heartbroken mom

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