Barb K — May 16, 2023

I have been struggling with my son for 7 years.  He was diagnosed with ADD early childhood. He started refusing his Adderall,  & started smoking pot at age 16 to help him feel “normal” and less anxious.   His usage increased over time as he was self medicating for ADD & now depression.  Frequent threats of suicide, emergency room visits,  &  family fights becoming all too regular.  His usage really  skyrocketed at age 21 after he became employed  in a dispensary.   Vendors “generously” giving free samples of dabs, flower, & edibles galore.  Employee discounts, as well, made it easily obtained.   The strength matches the addiction.  The tolerance builds,  the stronger the dab became, the more these problems escalated.   My son became increasingly more depressed,  more irrational & oppositional.  Even his physical appearance was changing from my handsome son,  to that of a mentally ill person.    Always ill, never eating properly.  He was spending all his money on his habit which  left him disinterested in college, moving out, or doing anything except using, playing video games, and ending his life. The suicidal threats became commonplace and i woke every day preparing to find my son dead.  (he refused all help as well). Years this has been going on. BTW, He is still using.

November 2022,  I gave him an ultimatum.  He could no longer live with me rent free unless he agreed to take medication for his depression (the thought of him being homeless was hardest thing I’ve ever done).  I would have to administer it, and watch him swallow it.  I told him we would do that for  at least 2 months and if it didn’t help, we would try something else.  I wasn’t giving up on him, but at 23 your parent privilege is no longer..  by mid January, he was taking his own medication, even coming home on break to take it.

Mothers day 2023 I received a card from him with this written inside:

 “Thank you mom,
For always being patient and considerate.  for calming me down and keeping me safe.  I eat, work, and sleep because of you.  I enjoy my life now because of you.  You have given to me in ways that I can’t repay.  So, all I can say is THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU, I’M SORRY”

This was an incredible gift. But, after years of heavy use, this is a lifetime illness now.  I will never be free of the worry.  I cannot get my son to stop using or working in the industry.  I would love some help, resources, anything!   

Truly a families heartbreak.

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