My son was a very intelligent child but was always a little different. He was diagnosed with Autism level 1 in grade 8. He was on the local swim team at the provincial level with so much potential. I think because of his insecurity and fear of not fitting in, he started smoking pot in grade 11. Prior to this he had always had an average over 90%. His marks started going down and he quit swimming.
His first episode of psychosis came after ingesting a homemade pot brownie, with high levels of thc. At that time, I had no idea what was happening. He was delusional and I just thought he was on a bad high. He recovered quickly and without intervention so we didn’t think anything of it. Unbeknownst to me, a police officer, he was smoking or vaping regularly. This was also during Covid restrictions and he took a year off after high school before going to university. He got severely depressed and ended up in the mental health unit for suicidal thoughts. We ended up getting him into residential treatment where he was diagnosed with cannabis use disorder and anxiety. I thought the treatment worked and didn’t know he had continued his cannabis use. He went off to university that fall.
Somehow he finished first year, smoking pot all the while. Things really started going south after that. I ended up having to pick him up after 1st semester of 2nd year. From there he’s been hospital 3 more times with psychosis, the last time being the absolute worse.
This past winter, he was back at university 8 hours from home and called me saying he was God. His delusions were the worst I had seen. I immediately left work and drove the 8 hours to him. I brought him to the hospital. He went willingly because he didn’t think they would keep him, he didn’t think there was anything wrong with him. He was dishevelled, wearing flip tops in -30 weather and singing at the top of his lungs in emerg. He was admitted but released 3 days later with an rx for Abilify 10mg. But he agreed to come home. On our drive he said hateful things and was screaming at me and opened the car door while I was driving 100 kms/h. I called 911 and he was admitted to hospital in the next city. He again was released 2 days later. Once home, the psychosis continued. The following weekend he again went to emerg thinking he wouldn’t get admitted. He was making show angels in the triage room on the floor (he’s 6,3, 250lbs). When they tried to admit him, he was resistant and it took 3 police officers, 2 security guards and several doctors and nurses to subdue him. It was heartbreaking.
And he was admitted, this time for longer and he finally was assigned a psychiatrist. They upped his Abilify, added seroquel and clonazapine. This was Christmas 2026 for our family.
Fast forward 4 months, he’s been attending NA, he’s weaned off all meds (not recommended by his doctor but is being monitored) and is, so far, cannabis free. He is dealing with some severe depression, which I’ve read is “normal” in recovery but just started working at his recurring summer job.
He’ll be 25 in June and is living in my basement but things could be worse. I know he’s not out of the woods yet but I’m hopeful….
I still worry every single day. Every time he leaves the house, I wonder if he’s going to buy cannabis. Every morning I wonder if he’ll wake up with schizophrenia, because I know this is still possible.
I’m struggling to remain hopeful